Bloody Hell

Why is it that lately it seems like every other book I pick up is English? Particularly chick lit books. Okay fine, only chick lit books, because let's be honest... they make up the vast majority of my reading material. At first, it was endearing. Aww, she's buying a funky coat and an umbrella and boots, because it's rainy and cold in England! How cute! Now, however, it's starting to get on my nerves. Stop bitching about the weather, get your ass to Florida and get a tan! I have nothing against English people. I'm a fan of several of them in particular, a couple of whom are related to me. I'm just a little sick of reading about them. And I'm more than a little sick of the stupid slang in some of these books. Case in point:

• Although I regularly call my mother, I refuse to ever "ring my mum."
• After visiting the "surgery," I do not "pop into the chemist." After going to the hospital, I get my happy pills from the pharmacist. (Or the shady looking guy walking up and down 13th Street... hmm...)
• The South Beach Diet has caused me to lose a bunch of weight, but I could not tell you how many "stones" this is. Pounds, maybe. What is a stone? "Losing a stone" makes me think of losing my earrings, or conversely passing a kidney stone.
  
• I do not have an arse. I have a (hot) ass.
• Chanukkah is a holiday. New Year's is a holiday. The three weeks I have off from school to celebrate these holidays is not a "holiday." It's a vacation.
• I've never "shagged" or "snogged" anyone in my life. Kissing and fucking though...
• Rather than shouting "bollocks," "shite," or "bloody hell," or "flicking some V's," I'd much prefer a simple fuck off, accompanied by the Florida state bird. Ha.

Even American chick lit novels often have English characters. It's always a kooky girl, a gay man who works in fashion or a devastatingly handsome heart breaker/asshole. Writers think that including an English character instantly ups their book's street cred. Look, the accent is telling the reader, this book isn't just about slutty American women! It's got international flare. I'd like to see more inventive methods of characterization.

I'm not saying that I want purely American novels, or that I think American chick lit novels are classy. I'd just like to see a new approach to being "cool."

I guess I could just start reading real, non-trashy books. But what would be the fun in that?