Home is Where the Heart Was

So, I'm back in Boca for Thanksgiving break... which is interesting because I haven't been here for six months... since before I went to Utica for the summer. It's the longest I've been away from home. And I guess it doesn't quite feel real anymore. Like, my room is ridiculously clean. And I am the messiest person ever. I feel like I need to spend a lot of time with my family, whereas when you live with your family, you regularly feel free to completely ignore them and go out with your friends all the time. Which is odd anyway, because I have a lot fewer friends in Boca than I used to. Mostly, I am hanging out with girls from my sorority who live in South Florida. I mean, I still have a couple of good friends from high school with whom I am still in contact. Other than that, all the casual friendships I've had have pretty much lapsed, with my being away at school for so long. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. That's what happens in life. What gets to me is when close friendships seemingly lapse. Obsessively, I always need to know why something fell apart... but it doesn't always work out that way. For example, I had a close friend in high school with whom I became closer in college. But towards the end of last spring semester, I started hearing less from her. Assuming she was just busy with a ton of school work, I made more of an effort to call her and try to hang out. But she was never available. Eventually, I asked her if anything was wrong; if I had done something to offend her. She denied it, and then after that, I pretty much never saw her again. This drives me crazy! I can't think of anything I did that might have caused this problem with her, and I'd really like to know what happened. But I just can't call her up and demand answers. I just think that if someone was significant to you at some point, you owe them an explanation. Her not saying anything didn't spare my feelings -- I was a bit upset either way. Obviously it was done to spare her own feelings, to spare her from an uncomfortable conversation. Forget that. I think it's always better to straightforward. But my point is that being home is weird. It's always been a little strange coming home from school, but this visit I'm feeling it more, maybe because I'm so much closer to graduation. I'm trying to imagine living here again, and I'm not sure I really want to. But in the mean time, I think I'll hit the beach... and the mall... and the beach...